When I first got pregnant, and discovered Birth Without Fear, I knew my one goal was to breastfeed. No matter what. I remember holding Aoife in the hospital and wondering how something so tiny could know what to do. Aoife latched like a pro. For a week or so, I was in severe pain and then one day it disappeared. Gone. I could finally breastfeed without wincing in pain, or wanting to cry. She nursed so much in the beginning, I was delirious from lack of sleep, I couldn't take showers often or long enough to feel human. It's crazy how time flies in those early days. Cluster feeding day & night.

I knew my breastfeeding journey wouldn't be easy though. I just knew it. I never leaked, and when I pumped I would get barely half an ounce. I was devastated. All I wanted in this world was to breastfeed her, to have that bond with her that I needed to make it through the day at times. Surfing the web, I found Human Milk 4 Human Babies, where I met Brenda. Brenda was our first donor. Her daughter Loretta was so chunky, and I remember thinking that I wanted Aoife to be that way too! Brenda gave me the best first experience and peek into milk sharing.

For months I battled with depression over my self-imposed title of "failure" but I kept going. I would breastfeed Aoife on demand as soon as I got home from work, I would sacrifice lunches to go home and nurse her. I pumped and pumped, hoping my supply would just stay. Stay to make it 3 months....6 months...a year.

The feeling I feel when I nurse Aoife is just...peaceful. I love looking onto her little face, sometimes I have conversations with her, I tell her things. I love it. What a long strange ride it has been so far. Battling IGT (insufficient glandular tissue), 1 year of active duty, and 10 months of donor milk searching...We made it. Now that I am home 24/7, I can breastfeed Aoife whenever I want, and whenever she needs it.

Breastfeeding is my ultimate joy in mommyhood. Enjoy these few photos my husband took of us on our back porch. Look how chunky she is!! Thank you breastmilk donors and breastfeeding. Thank you to my husband who supported me, no matter what.

Everyday I see the beauty of donor milk. I see it in how healthy, smart and curious my daughter is becoming. I see it in a fully stocked freezer full of a mother's milk. I see it when I'm able to breastfeed my daughter, and she's looking up into my eyes. There's nothing more beautiful then mom's helping other mom's.

Last night was a beautiful and touching moment in my small circle of mama friends. Usually every week, Thomas and I go hang out with our friends who have young children too. Chelsea & Dale have been nothing but kind, loving and supportive friends to us. Just recently I met Emi, and her husband PJ. They have a son named Aiden. Emi had to stop nursing Aiden due to a surgery, and he's been on formula ever since. He is a handsome, smart and lovely little boy.

Last night I saw the beauty of donor milk. Emi had posted a blog post earlier that day about the idea of donor milk for Aiden. She decided to take the leap of faith and ask Chelsea if she could defrost a few ice cubes of her breast milk for Aiden to try. She was scared, you could tell. In her voice, in her worried expression. Would he take the milk? Would he even like it?? Chelsea defrosted a few cubes. Aiden was obviously fussy. He wanted that dang bottle... NOW! So I popped the bottle in his mouth. The bottle of breas tmilk.

I've never seen a bottle gone so fast. Emi started crying. Chelsea started to tear up, I kept saying "DON'T YOU DO IT. DON'T YOU CRY." When I felt my own eyes welling up. You could see the sigh of relief in Emi. This was beautiful, touching, emotional. To see friends experience what I have been living for over 6 months. The selfless gift of donor milk.

Thank you to these two beautiful women who showed me again how amazing donor milk can be. How it touches our mothering, womanly souls.

And thank you to all the women who have selflessly donated to my daughter, Aoife, Thank you a million times.

It all started when I was a few weeks from returning to work after having my daughter. The Army gives you 6 weeks post-partum to stay at home, but I had taken an extra 2, so that I would go back to work when my daughter was 2 months old. It was then I realized that my supply definitely wasn't enough to pump, especially enough for me to leave with my husband to feed her while I was at work. I hadn't even acquired a pump yet! I was so nervous.

I can't remember exactly how I came upon Human Milk 4 Human Babies online but I did, and it was the greatest thing I ever did. If there was one thing in life that I wanted to stress about the least, it was providing the best nutrition for my daughter, no matter what. My supply was enough for me to nurse her but not enough to fill a bag in less than a week! I immediately started scanning the page, seeing how this informal milk sharing thing worked. A woman would post saying that they had expressed breastmilk frozen that they wanted or needed to get rid of (either because their freezers were full, or their baby didn't drink expressed milk), and women would respond or message said woman for milk. Also, women would post asking for milk. It was truly a beautiful thing to watch.

Brenda posted about having a whole deep freezer full of milk, and she lived about 45 minutes south of me. I decided to jump on the opportunity! I explained that I was an Active Duty mom who was just about to return to work, and had no milk saved up to feed Aoife. She was more then happy to supply me with a few hundred ounces of expressed breast milk. I made the 45 minute drive. Brenda is the nicest woman ever! She was SO welcoming and kind to me.

At the beginning of our journey.

For the past 6 months we have relied on the kindness of other women to supply our beautiful growing daughter with their breastmilk. At first Aoife was slowly gaining weight, and doctors were worried but now she's a powerhouse! I credit her healthy growth to the many women who selflessly gave us their milk. Sometimes I don't even know how to express my gratitude but... Thank you so much, ladies. Thank you SO much! There is nothing sweeter then a woman who selflessly helps another mother, especially in such a beautiful way! Every time we get our freezer full of breastmilk, it's the happiest day of my week.

Nearly 6 months into our journey!

Countless times I've suggested milk sharing to mothers that are friends of mine because I know how happy it makes me to get breastmilk for my daughter!

I will always be indebted to these women. You women mean so much to me, and I hope that you feel that way when we meet!

Thank you Brenda, Patricia, Jennifer, Jamie, Tricia, Rachel, Kelly, Kelly's S-I-L, and Kristine!







*If you'd like more information on Informal Milk Sharing, check out Human Milk 4 Human Babies on Facebook, as well as Eats on Feets. Each have a state/country page!