When I first got pregnant, and discovered Birth Without Fear, I knew my one goal was to breastfeed. No matter what. I remember holding Aoife in the hospital and wondering how something so tiny could know what to do. Aoife latched like a pro. For a week or so, I was in severe pain and then one day it disappeared. Gone. I could finally breastfeed without wincing in pain, or wanting to cry. She nursed so much in the beginning, I was delirious from lack of sleep, I couldn't take showers often or long enough to feel human. It's crazy how time flies in those early days. Cluster feeding day & night.

I knew my breastfeeding journey wouldn't be easy though. I just knew it. I never leaked, and when I pumped I would get barely half an ounce. I was devastated. All I wanted in this world was to breastfeed her, to have that bond with her that I needed to make it through the day at times. Surfing the web, I found Human Milk 4 Human Babies, where I met Brenda. Brenda was our first donor. Her daughter Loretta was so chunky, and I remember thinking that I wanted Aoife to be that way too! Brenda gave me the best first experience and peek into milk sharing.

For months I battled with depression over my self-imposed title of "failure" but I kept going. I would breastfeed Aoife on demand as soon as I got home from work, I would sacrifice lunches to go home and nurse her. I pumped and pumped, hoping my supply would just stay. Stay to make it 3 months....6 months...a year.

The feeling I feel when I nurse Aoife is just...peaceful. I love looking onto her little face, sometimes I have conversations with her, I tell her things. I love it. What a long strange ride it has been so far. Battling IGT (insufficient glandular tissue), 1 year of active duty, and 10 months of donor milk searching...We made it. Now that I am home 24/7, I can breastfeed Aoife whenever I want, and whenever she needs it.

Breastfeeding is my ultimate joy in mommyhood. Enjoy these few photos my husband took of us on our back porch. Look how chunky she is!! Thank you breastmilk donors and breastfeeding. Thank you to my husband who supported me, no matter what.

Today we celebrated Aoife's 1st birthday, even though her actual birthday is on Sunday the 22nd. We had an amazing time with friends & family! Aoife got some great, and thoughtful gifts. I only snagged a few pictures of my tedious decorations because I was busy spending quality time with friends & family! Enjoy some of the decorations and the smash cake!

Four days until Aoife is one and I can hardly believe it. I feel like just yesterday I was super pregnant, begging for her to come out already! Now she has (almost) 4 teeth, crawls all over the place, is getting super confident in standing up without support and using her walker more. Her personality is coming out more and more every day. She is the silliest, most beautiful little girl EVER. I enjoy watching her grow up, but it is a bit bittersweet! We decided to do her cake smash pictures today because my Mom is here visiting from Florida! Enjoy!