When I first got pregnant, and discovered Birth Without Fear, I knew my one goal was to breastfeed. No matter what. I remember holding Aoife in the hospital and wondering how something so tiny could know what to do. Aoife latched like a pro. For a week or so, I was in severe pain and then one day it disappeared. Gone. I could finally breastfeed without wincing in pain, or wanting to cry. She nursed so much in the beginning, I was delirious from lack of sleep, I couldn't take showers often or long enough to feel human. It's crazy how time flies in those early days. Cluster feeding day & night.

I knew my breastfeeding journey wouldn't be easy though. I just knew it. I never leaked, and when I pumped I would get barely half an ounce. I was devastated. All I wanted in this world was to breastfeed her, to have that bond with her that I needed to make it through the day at times. Surfing the web, I found Human Milk 4 Human Babies, where I met Brenda. Brenda was our first donor. Her daughter Loretta was so chunky, and I remember thinking that I wanted Aoife to be that way too! Brenda gave me the best first experience and peek into milk sharing.

For months I battled with depression over my self-imposed title of "failure" but I kept going. I would breastfeed Aoife on demand as soon as I got home from work, I would sacrifice lunches to go home and nurse her. I pumped and pumped, hoping my supply would just stay. Stay to make it 3 months....6 months...a year.

The feeling I feel when I nurse Aoife is just...peaceful. I love looking onto her little face, sometimes I have conversations with her, I tell her things. I love it. What a long strange ride it has been so far. Battling IGT (insufficient glandular tissue), 1 year of active duty, and 10 months of donor milk searching...We made it. Now that I am home 24/7, I can breastfeed Aoife whenever I want, and whenever she needs it.

Breastfeeding is my ultimate joy in mommyhood. Enjoy these few photos my husband took of us on our back porch. Look how chunky she is!! Thank you breastmilk donors and breastfeeding. Thank you to my husband who supported me, no matter what.